Friendships evolve as we do, growing in depth with each new stage of life we enter. You and your friends might have started out jumping rope on the playground, then years later, driving together (in your first car!) to the high school football game.
Now, maybe you’re trying to figure out your post-college plans, or organizing weddings, or babysitting each other’s kids.
While the way we celebrate our friendships might change over the years, the foundations of a solid bond are the same for every age, and they’re something you must work to maintain.
How to Be a Better Friend
These 9 tips will help you build stronger friendships and maintain the deep bonds you already have.
1. Reach Out
It’s pretty easy to maintain friendships when you’re in high school or college, since you’re required to show up to the same places every day, or at least a few times a week.
But once we get out into the real world, we have to juggle the responsibilities of real life, including work, relationships, and perhaps a growing family. It’s only natural that you see some friends less often than you did in school or at your old job. You might have even lost touch for a few months (or years)!
There doesn’t have to be a falling out or huge fight for this drifting to occur. But once a few weeks turns into a few months, you might start to feel embarrassed for not reaching out sooner, or even upset that you haven’t heard from your friend yet. Don’t let this stop you from reconnecting!
No matter how long it’s been—and no matter who you think should have called first—if you miss your friend and care about your friendship, pick up the phone yourself. When friendships are truly strong, you’ll find that no matter how much time has passed, it doesn’t take long for things to fall right back into place.
Ask your friend how they’re doing, whether it’s been five days or five months since you last talked. Don’t call just to talk about yourself! While you’re talking, you can make plans to grab a coffee, or if your friendship is long-distance, schedule your next call or video chat.
2. Make Time
If you want to avoid falling out of touch in the first place, show your commitment by building friend time into your schedule.
Like we said, life can get crazy busy, but if you and your friend(s) can agree to get brunch every Sunday or talk on the phone every Friday at 6, you should try to honor that commitment as you would any other for work or your personal life.
After all, a balanced life is more than just work and family—it should also include self-care, your romantic life, and friends. In fact, one Harvard study shows that people who have strong, supportive relationships, including friendships, tend to live longer than those who don’t form those bonds.
Easier said than done, I know. But with a little creativity, you can find time for what matters. For example, your health is pretty important—so why not invite your friend to hit the gym with you? Or go for a run together on your way to the coffee shop? If you work close to each other, you might even try carpooling together!
Your true friends are just as important as your romantic relationships. (And not to be a bummer, but if you’re still in the early stages of dating, there’s a good chance your friendship will last much longer than that fling.) So why not schedule “dates” with your friends, too?
You can take turns hosting small dinner parties or other fun events to bring your friends together. Also, don’t underestimate the importance of play, even in adult friendships. Find opportunities to get outside, laugh, and just enjoy each other’s company.
3. Listen
These days, lots of us have taken to tweeting our every thought, constantly updating our Facebook statuses, and posting our perfectly-filtered selfies. It’s not surprising that we may need a refresher course when it comes to being a good listener.
Your friends should be there to support you, but remember that this is a two-way street. You need to listen just as much as you talk.
While you’re talking with your friend, don’t look at your phone, check your email, or think about what you’re going to order for dinner later. Make sure you’re really present and paying attention.
To show that you’re actively listening, ask questions and respond to your friend with empathy. Make eye contact. And if your friend has a problem, help them by brainstorming solutions together, not just dishing out all your advice and opinions.
4. Show Up and Follow Through
Do your best to show up for milestones for your dearest friends. Whether it’s a wedding, graduation, or funeral, if you’re able to be there in person, your presence will surely mean a lot to them. If you’re unable to be there, your friend will understand. Share your support with a heartfelt letter or phone call.
But be careful not to overcommit yourself; it’s better to not make any promises at all than to make ones you can’t keep.
If you make a commitment to your friend, do everything you can to show up and follow through. There are few things worse than a flake!
5. Express Gratitude
And when your friends show up for you, never take it for granted. Whether they picked up the tab at lunch or saved you from a date gone awry, always find a way to show gratitude.
You can do this by sending a simple thank you note or text, making sure that lunch is on you next time, or Venmo-ing them $5 so they can enjoy a coffee on their afternoon break.
There are dozens of ways to show gratitude. It doesn’t really matter which method you choose, as long as you make it clear that you appreciate your friend.
6. Be Open-Minded
Don’t assume that your way is always the right way. Don’t be that “friend” who always has to take charge and be the boss of the group.
Instead, be open-minded. Let others have their turn at picking the place for happy hour, or choosing the movie.
The same also goes when it comes to offering advice. You might not understand what your friend sees in their new partner, but before you start unloading all your judgment, take time to listen and try to understand how that person makes them happy.
By keeping an open being less judgmental, you can be a more supportive friend and even open yourself up to more opportunities.
7. Trust and Be Trustworthy
It’s not always easy to place trust in others, but you should at least be able to trust your close friends. Don’t close yourself off or keep everything bottled inside—your friends are there to support you and help ease your burdens!
Trust your friends and ask for their help when you need it. Sharing your problems with them will encourage them to open up in return, which will only strengthen your bond.
Be someone who people can trust themselves. When a friend comes with you to talk about something serious or personal, they need to feel confident that you won’t go blabbing their business to the next person you see.
Being trustworthy also means your friends can count on you to show up for them and follow through on your commitments (see #4).
8. Be Honest
Another way to build trust with your friends is by always being honest with each other. This means speaking up and having difficult conversations, if necessary.
For example, if your friend says or does something that doesn’t sit well with you—perhaps they unknowingly offended you, or you’re concerned about some bad habits they’ve developed—speak up. Don’t let the fear of an uncomfortable conversation force you to keep things bottled up. That’s never a good idea!
At the same time, you need to be open to the same honesty yourself. If they’re really your friends, then they have your best interest at heart, so keep that in mind when you get some feedback that’s a little difficult to swallow.
9. Don’t Underestimate Small Gestures
We’ve covered all the major pillars of a healthy friendship, from being trustworthy to following through on commitments. But don’t underestimate the power of small gestures and their ability to strengthen your bond.
Here are some ideas you can try to show some love to your friends throughout the week:
- Share photos or links to articles: Memes are practically a modern love language. Next time you see something on social media that makes you LOL, or come across an article your friend would be interested in, send it to them! Or, if an old photo pops up on your timeline, text it to them. It’s a sure way to bring a smile to their face.
- Stop by their desk: If you’re lucky enough to work in the same building, drop by your friend’s desk just to say hi, or bring them something from the vending machine. It’ll definitely brighten their day!
- Send food or coffee: If your friend isn’t within walking distance, send them lunch via a food delivery service, or Venmo them a few bucks for their coffee break. (It’s a small gesture, but nothing says “I love you” like offering food.)
Showing Love for Your Friends
Good friends will be there with you through ups and downs, but that doesn’t mean you should take their love for granted.
Show your friends how much you appreciate them by making efforts to solidify your bond, and remind them that you’ll always be there when they need you.
How do you show your friends you care? Share your tips in the comments below!
If you enjoyed this post, then you might also like:
- 16 Poems about Friendship to Celebrate Your Bond
- How to Write Better Text Messages
- Trust in Relationships: How to Build Trust At Home, At Work, and with Yourself
- 10 Big Life Lessons I Learned from Divergent
As a blog writer for TCK Publishing, Kaelyn loves crafting fun and helpful content for writers, readers, and creative minds alike. She has a degree in International Affairs with a minor in Italian Studies, but her true passion has always been writing. Working remotely allows her to do even more of the things she loves, like traveling, cooking, and spending time with her family.
