Each day, we make hundreds of tiny judgments about others. We scrutinize the filters people choose for their Instagram photos, we either “like” Facebook posts or repost them with a scornful rebuttal, and we swipe left and right to find our next date.
And in today’s divisive political climate, we judge others within seconds based on the hats they wear, or what they do or don’t put over their faces.
But how much do we really know about the people we’re judging? And what do all those little judgments do to us and our relationships?
As it turns out, not much good. But fortunately, there are steps you can take to be less judgmental so you can have a more positive outlook and see the good in others.
How to Be Less Judgmental
Follow these 7 steps to practice being less judgmental and more open-minded.
1. Develop self-awareness by observing your thoughts.
The first step to being less judgmental is learning to catch yourself in the act, which requires some practice with both mindfulness and self-awareness.
For a few days, observe your thoughts and try to catch yourself making negative judgments about others. Look our for phrases or thoughts like:
- Person A shouldn’t do [action].
- If I were Person A, I wouldn’t do [action]; I would do [alternative action] instead.
- Person A is so [negative adjective].
Once you learn to recognize these thoughts, ask yourself why you feel the need to judge the people in question.
2. Take note of what triggers your judgmental thoughts.
Judgments can be either positive or negative; in either case, you’re assuming you know the full situation and the reasons behind someone’s behavior.
Often when we pass judgment on others, we conclude that the person is always going to be that way. You might think someone is wrong, but you’re the one making the situation problematic. Your judgments might also be rooted in your own insecurities.
Next time you catch yourself making a judgment about others, turn it into an opportunity for introspection. Why do you think that other person’s actions pushed your buttons? How can you work on improving those insecurities?
For the most effective results, it helps to keep track of your thoughts in a journal. Most likely, you’ll start to notice patterns, or certain times and situations where you’re more judgmental.
For example, you might be more judgmental when you’re around certain people, in certain environments, or when you’re feeling a certain way. Learning to recognize these triggers is an important step toward becoming less judgmental.
3. Practice empathy.
In most cases, if someone is doing something you find weird or annoying, you won’t really be able to know or understand exactly what’s causing that behavior. We can’t literally put ourselves “in the other person’s shoes” like we were told to do in grade school.
However, just because you don’t understand that person’s exact situation doesn’t mean you can’t try to be an understanding person and show some empathy. This means thinking back to a time when you’ve done something that others might have found weird or annoying, and remembering what led you to those actions.
Maybe you were having a bad day, or you were going through a rough patch in your relationship. We’ve all had those moments!
Imagining the other person’s behavior in the context of a situation you’ve actually experienced yourself allows you to give them the “benefit of the doubt.”
4. Rewrite and reframe your judgmental thoughts.
Now it’s time to take those judgmental thoughts from Step 3 and rewrite them from a new, more empathetic perspective. Be curious, rather than critical.
For example:
Judgmental thought: Wow, Sarah is so careless with her work.
Rewrite: I wonder why Sarah seems distracted lately. Maybe she’s having some problems at home.
This step can be especially helpful for self-judgment (when the person you’re judging is you). Practice rewriting your thoughts about yourself from a more compassionate standpoint.
5. Be accepting.
Once you’ve tried understanding the other person, accept them for who they are. It’s really hard to change someone else. In fact, succeeding is highly unlikely. Only they can change themselves, as only you can change yourself.
You don’t have to be their best friend or even like them, but try not to judge them or let negative thoughts fester in your mind.
In his book Why We Argue and How to Stop, author Jerry Manney reminds us:
“You can only control 50 percent of any discussion: what you say, and the manner in which you respond. You do not have to like what the other person has said or how they said it, but when you focus on what you want to say and how you can communicate it so that it will be heard by others, you gain control of yourself, your emotions, your thoughts, and your actions. You’ll also gain self-respect.”
This can be an especially helpful reminder when it comes to practicing empathy and being less judgmental. Doing so can not only improve your relationships with others, but it will do you a lot of good, too.
6. Expand your social circle.
This is a long-term goal that you’ll have to consistently work at, but it will challenge you to stay open-minded.
Always try to interact with people who are different from you. This goes for your friend groups, but you can also keep your circles diverse by taking up new hobbies, joining a course, frequenting a new neighborhood, or learning a new language.
Getting to know other people who have different backgrounds, cultures, and beliefs will help you to be more understanding, because you’ll be more aware of the unique challenges that other people face.
7. Don’t forget to show yourself compassion.
Nobody’s perfect, and you’ll probably stumble quite a few times in your quest to be less judgmental. Forgive yourself and keep trying.
Your goal is to be more compassionate toward others, but don’t forget that includes you too! When you catch yourself judging others, it may be a sign of your own pain or insecurities, which means it’s probably time for a little self-care check-up.
Is It Bad to Be Judgemental?
You probably know on some level that it’s not considered very “nice” to be a very judgmental person, but you probably didn’t know that it could actually harm your mental health.
Making unfair and unhelpful judgments usually just gets in the way of fixing a larger problem. It can also harm your own self-esteem, since being overly critical and judgmental can make it very difficult to feel gratitude, which is necessary for your happiness and overall well-being.
Plus, it’s just no fun to be negative all the time! It’s not always easy, but if you try to find the good in others, you’ll probably find yourself feeling better too.
How to Stop Judging
It’s not easy to withhold judgment—it’s practically in our nature to size up others when we meet them. But being overly critical and too quick to judge can have negative effects on you and your relationships.
Luckily, there are steps you can take to become less judgmental and more open-minded. Start practicing with the tips above and work on your critical thinking skills, then see how it changes your life and relationships for the better.
How can you practice being less judgmental in your own life? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
If you enjoyed this post, then you might also like:
- Sympathy vs Empathy: Understanding the Feelings of Others
- Trust in Relationships: How to Build Trust At Home, At Work, and with Yourself
- How to Practice Mindfulness: A Beginner’s Guide
- Why Self-Awareness Is Important: Benefits, Tips, and Examples
As a blog writer for TCK Publishing, Kaelyn loves crafting fun and helpful content for writers, readers, and creative minds alike. She has a degree in International Affairs with a minor in Italian Studies, but her true passion has always been writing. Working remotely allows her to do even more of the things she loves, like traveling, cooking, and spending time with her family.
Sounds like that’s not the right relationship for you. It’s not good to be with somebody that makes you feel little.
What should we do when judgmental thoughts arrive?
For me it’s so habitual I don’t know where else to take my brain as it often happens when I’m idle.
I’m a very passionate ‘campaigner’ type person which means I struggle when I see people doing things that I don’t agree with. And those disagreements aren’t with anything horrendous just different religious choices for example, as I am agnostic and struggle with religious people. But as you say in your article, the only person I’m hurting is myself through all of this wasted energy.
I do have several questions.
1. Is it critical and judgemental if the man you are with is more interested in his female friends that are busty and I am very petite?
2. Is it critical and judgemental if the man you are with is more interested in letting you be by yourself and not spending any in him because he feels that is smothering to do so?
3. Is it critical and judgemental if you see him sending nude pics and him receiving nude pics from other females off dating sites and if I do it he says I am trying to hard?
No, those aren’t judgemental or critical . Those are you instincts and you should listen to them. ***k that guy, he does not deserve you. The guy that does deserve you would never make you feel like that. Sorry that you are going through that.
Hi Xaviera, I agree with Margaret’s comment below. You deserve to be treated much better in a relationship.
Hey there Miss Xaviera
1. He got female friends?
2. He says you’re smothering him?
3. He is exchanging nude pics with other women?? Ohh kaayyy…
There’s a reason why he’s doing this and it is within your emotional right to know!
If he doesn’t cooperate, its done, and move on, and its ok to let the door hit him on his way out.
Thank you,
sincerely,
A man!
Sounds like that’s not the right relationship for you. It’s not good to be with somebody that makes you feel little.
Thank you for this article, I have been searching in my own head on how to stop being critical and judgemental towards myself as well as others. I have found this article and feel that it will help me on my journey in not being critical and judgemental towards myself and others.
I wanted to ask. The fact in step 3 and 4 that we need to practice empathy makes sense.
However I feel as though I would just be feeling sorry for everyone for being how they are. Or just making excuses for people as they are the way they are.
I don’t want to be in the situation where that makes the whole issue worse because of the fact I am lessening them as people maybe?
Hi Jack, thanks for your question! :) The idea isn’t really to feel sorry for them, but to be open, understanding, and accepting of where they might be in life right now. It doesn’t mean that you have to be okay with the bad things they might do, but that you don’t try to change them, because doing so is highly unlikely and will only frustrate you. Instead, focus on what you can control – yourself and your reactions. Judging them will only take more energy from you and bring more negative energy into your life.
Hi Jack,
I agree with Kaelyn but wanted to add an idea for the next time you start being judgmental. Ask yourself this question…What meaning am I attaching to this situation? Do I have all the information I need to make a determination about this situation? When it involves another person, the answer to the second question is always no. You’re not feeling sorry for people when you do this. You’re giving them the benefit of the doubt.
This is great! Thank you! I am struggling a lot with beeing to judgemental, and it affecting my marriage and parenting, as well as any other relationship I have with people. This is the time I need to stop otherwise I will loose everyone. Wish me luck❤️
Hi Gosia, thank you for sharing your experience :) I can relate, and while I’m sorry it feels that your personal relationships are at risk, keep strong and keep trying — it’s never too late to improve and make things right! I’m sure others will notice your efforts as well. Best of luck! <3
These are great points!
It’s so easy quickly make judgments but its so important to bear these points in mind next time we do!
On my recent trip there was a moment where it would’ve been easy to quickly judge and leave the situation I was in. But I stayed and got to know the people and it was one of the highlights of my trip.
It really goes to show not to be too quick to judge!
Thanks Bea, I hope you enjoyed the article! And you’re absolutely right – another benefit to traveling :) I read your blog, it’s a lovely story and another great reminder to us all.
Thank you so much for sharing this with the world! I feel confident that these steps will help me be less judgmental and inspired to use them in my life.
I’m so glad you found these tips inspirational, Levi! :) I hope you find them helpful as you apply them in your own life!
You’re a Godsend and thank you for your insight. I was meant to meet you
I hope you found this post helpful, David! Thank you for reading :)
I feel like being judgemental also feeds our personal insecurities and anxieties of what others think of us because by judging others we also expect others to judge us which ultimately leads us to a poorer mental health and self esteem.
You’re totally right! I’ve definitely felt that way before. That’s why it’s important to show grace and compassion not only to others, but to ourselves as well :)
Kaelyn,
I am so happy I stumbled across your blog. Your suggestions make total sense and give me hope that I am “fixable”. I was beginning to think I was a lost cause.
Hi Darcy, thank you so much for sharing your story! I really wasn’t expecting this post to get such a positive response, but I’m so happy and touched that it’s inspiring people :) I’ve struggled with this too, but the tips I’ve shared here have helped me a lot. As I’ve told others here, I hope you can find compassion for yourself as well – as you can see, you’re definitely not alone, so be patient as you work on making changes within :)
I actually didn’t know i was a judgemental person until i lost all my friends.am grateful for this.let me practice empathy n compasssion.
Hi Atugonza, thank you for your comment. I’m sorry you lost friends, but I’m glad you’re now able to practice empathy and compassion. You’ll attract the right friends your way! :)
Atugonza,
I feel your pain. This is one I really need to work on. I am actually glad to discover other people struggle with this also. I don’t feel so alone and ashamed by others like yourself coming forward.
Best of luck to you.
that is great, i am very happy to come across this. Thanks!
so glad you enjoyed the post, Noku! :)
Thanks for the tips i was ruining people’s moments with my negativity
Hi Deckor, don’t be too hard on yourself :) The good thing is that it’s never too late to work on changing old habits. I hope you find these tips helpful and that you can also be compassionate toward yourself :)
This was an excellent article. I was able to evaluate myself and I see that I must becoming less critical with myself. Yes! I show myself compassion and love; however I must be a little less tough on myself. I can see where I have grown also by leaps and bounds as I assess myself against the information. Thanks
You’re very welcome, Robin! I can totally relate, and it makes me so happy that you found these tips helpful for showing more compassion not only to others, but also yourself :)
Very thought-provoking , I do have empathy for people and try to be kind but I do say off-the-cuff remarks that are not nice, plus my spouse is my way or no way person and it has whittled away my sense of self. She is money-obsessed too and wont spend anything except on the kids, but I believe we need to have some enjoyment in our free time, within reason.
Hi Karen, thanks for sharing your personal experience. Be kind to yourself, it sounds like you have only good intentions. We’re all guilty of being judgmental or maybe unfiltered sometimes!
I am a very judgemental person I have been that way most of my life. I am very critical of others and have a hard time being compassionate and understanding of others. I resent others that don’t see things my way. I feel bad afterwords that I could not let the issue go and let others have their personal view on the subject. Enjoyed your suggestions and will put them to use in my life.
Hi Shaunna, thank you for your comment and for sharing your personal experience! I’m so glad you found the article helpful. We can all relate to being a little too quick to judge sometimes. The good thing is that you’re aware of it and are making an effort to be more understanding :)
Shaunna,
Your story sounds so much like my own. Thank you for putting yourself out there. By knowing there are others out there like me, I feel like there is hope. I was starting to feel like a hopeless social outcast.
I see you wrote your comment in December; I hope you were able to make some noticeable life changes. I, too, am going to put Kaelyn’s suggestions to use.
Best to you on your journey of becoming your true self.
It’s Christmas Day. As I struggle to get through the Holidays, this article is the best gift ever! I will practice this through out the coming year. Thank you for posting this.
You’re very welcome Linda, I’m so happy to hear that you found this post helpful, especially this time of year. I hope you’ve had and continue to have a healthy and restful holiday season!
I appreciated the reminder to be compassionate towards myself as I learn to be less judgmental.
That’s great, Laurel, and very important to be kind to yourself :)
This was a very well-written informative piece. Thank you.
Thanks Stacy, I’m so glad you enjoyed the post! :)