Starting conversations with people you don’t know can be incredibly intimidating. You don’t want to seem uninteresting by allowing awkward silences to fall over the table, but you also don’t want to sound desperate by reaching for silly or strange topics.
But like it or not, starting conversations (and keeping them going) is a skill you’ll need to learn for networking, dating, and many other important areas of life.
Whether you’re trying to make a new friend or just survive an unreasonably long elevator ride for two, we’ll give you our best tips and tricks for striking up a convo that’s not awkward or forced.
How to Start a Conversation
Use these tips to master the skill of starting conversations anywhere with anyone.
1. Observe.
To become a master of starting conversations, you should start by practicing your observation skills.
If you pay attention to details, you’ll start noticing lots of things that could lead to conversation. For example, ask the other person about the book they’ve got under their arm. (If you’ve read it yourself, even better!) Make observations about what they’re wearing, how they’re carrying themselves, etc.
You might feel awkward or shy about observing people, especially if you’re an introvert, but as long as you’re not rudely staring, there’s nothing to be afraid of. And anyway, it can’t be as awkward as pretending your shoelaces are the most interesting things you’ve ever seen for the whole elevator ride!
Being more observant of these details will allow you to make compliments, ask questions, and identify things you might have in common—all of which can be great ways to start a conversation.
2. Find common ground.
If you’re bonded by a shared experience, you can use the situation to crack a joke, ask a question, or make an observation.
For example, if you’re at a networking event and everyone seems a little anxious or shy, you can comment on that shared experience.
However, you should always try to remain neutral. Don’t be overly negative, as this can be a turn-off for many people. It’s easy to complain about anything, but take the higher road and try to build connections that are rooted in positivity.
3. Offer a compliment.
Another great gateway to conversation is via compliments. Find something about the other person that you can genuinely compliment. They might have excellent posture, a lovely smile, or maybe just a really nice handbag. (Personally, I always notice manicures.)
Offering a compliment allows you to follow up with questions if necessary (such as “Where’d you get that?”), but it’s also a great way to get the other person to open up and be more receptive to conversation.
4. Ask for opinions.
Questions are great conversation starters, but asking for an opinion is especially effective because everyone has one.
For example, you can ask the other person what they thought of the office presentation, or if there are any good places nearby for lunch that they would recommend.
Asking for opinions shows the other person that you value their insights, which, like compliments, will make them more open to conversing with you.
5. Pay attention to your body language.
Whether you’re trying to make small talk or start a much larger conversation, be aware of your body language and the signals you send to others.
Assume a position that is open and inviting (no crossed arms or brooding face). At the same time, don’t appear too overpowering or aggressive. Respect the personal space of others, and if the other person really doesn’t seem interested in talking, let it go. Which leads us to our next point…
6. Don’t ask “How are you?”
“How are you?” is usually reserved for people you’re already acquainted with, and not often used between complete strangers.
In any case, you should avoid using this question as a conversation starter because 99% of the time, the other person will simply respond “Fine, thanks,” and perhaps follow up by reciprocating the question.
Unless you’re close friends, it’s rare that someone will actually get into the details of how they’re doing, and that two- or three-word answer won’t give you much to work with.
Instead, ask the person what keeps them busy. Unlike the usual “What do you do?”, this question expands the possibilities beyond their occupation. They could talk about their family, pets, hobbies, or anything in between.
7. Know when to make an exit.
Sometimes, for no fault of your own, the other person simply won’t be interested in talking. They might be having a bad day, or maybe they just don’t feel like engaging in conversation right now.
If you keep getting one-word responses and they rarely meet your gaze, they’re probably not in a talkative mood.
Know when to retreat and let them be. Don’t force a conversation, as you might come across as pushy, nosey, or just rude.
Ideas for Starting a Conversation
Striking up a conversation with someone you don’t know very well can be an intimidating and uncomfortable endeavor, but it doesn’t have to be.
Next time you find yourself reaching for something to say, remember these tips and try out some conversation starters—you never know where they’ll take you!
How do you start conversations? Share your tips in the comments below!
If you enjoyed this post, then you might also like:
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- 25 Conversation Starters to Help You Build Connections
- How to Make Friends: 11 Tips for Building Close Connections as an Adult
As a blog writer for TCK Publishing, Kaelyn loves crafting fun and helpful content for writers, readers, and creative minds alike. She has a degree in International Affairs with a minor in Italian Studies, but her true passion has always been writing. Working remotely allows her to do even more of the things she loves, like traveling, cooking, and spending time with her family.
