6 Habits You Can Form To Love Yourself Better

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Self-love is a term that is often thrown around but people rarely understand what it means or how it works. Because even though it sounds easy, it’s a complex concept that is further complicated by a multitude of factors such as trauma, loss of self-worth, and stress.

There’s a lot of information out there about how to love yourself. Some of them though, might be more harmful than helpful. Let’s talk about the ones that can actually work for you.

What is self-love?

Self-love isn’t just about feeling good, but also about the action of appreciating yourself more. It is about doing things that give you physical, mental, and spiritual growth. You have high regard for your own well-being and happiness and don’t sacrifice them to please others.

Though you make mistakes and have shortcomings, you understand that they are part of the process. By being more compassionate to your own person, you avoid burnout, lose the need to explain your actions, and are more centered on your purpose and goals.

Of course, self-love varies for every person. People have different ways of taking care of themselves. An integral part of it though, is not settling for less than you deserve.

How To Love Yourself More

If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve heard of phrases like “Just learn to love yourself more” or “If you only loved yourself, this wouldn’t have happened to you.” But these things hardly support you to be more self-loving, especially when you’re already struggling.

Here are a few things you can do to remind yourself that the quality of your life isn’t just defined by your relationship with others, but also with yourself.

1. Understand that self-love is a process.

Self-love isn’t a one-and-done deal where you reach a goal and forget about it. There’s no finish line that will tell you, “You’ve done it! You love yourself now.” It needs to be practiced on a daily basis.

There’s a tendency to think of love as a concept without faults and maintenance. That unrealistic pressure keeps you from realizing that the things you criticize about yourself may not actually be a problem. They’re only a small part of what you are.

You don’t need to love everything about yourself. Instead, you need to understand that you constantly change as a person. Perfection isn’t equal to self-love. Rather, acceptance of your faults and failures brings you a less critical image of yourself.

Of course, some days will be easier than others. But over time, being committed to the process will bring forth a version of you that doesn’t easily shatter under criticisms, doubts, and pessimism.

2. Recognize and accept what you feel.

You feel a variety of emotions, negative or positive, every day. But because of how chaotic life can get, some of them get shoved down, ignored, and unprocessed.

Are you happy? Sad? Frustrated? Knowing how you feel is the first step to recognizing what kind of mental and emotional state you are in.

There is nothing wrong with feeling certain emotions. They are there whether you want to feel them or not. But do take a moment and internalize these feelings. Why do you feel this way, at this moment?

Being mindful of your emotions gives you insight into the reasons behind them. It lets you consciously celebrate a win rather than passively letting it pass. You’re also able to ponder on mistakes and make an active decision to forgive yourself and do better.

3. Stick to the facts.

You will often treat yourself more harshly than others. You become hypercritical of even the smallest mistakes you make. It fuels a lot of negative self-talk, impacting your ability to function well.

Think of how, when scrolling through social media, you sometimes feel that some of your friends are living a better life than you. Ask yourself where these thoughts come from and whether they are true. Do they really have it better than you?

Stick to the facts. Sure, some of them may be ahead of you but your achievements are nothing to sneeze at. Just like them, you graduated college, got a good job that supports you, and have a family that loves you.

Sometimes, you’re quick on hating yourself for not being what you think you should be. You begin having thoughts likes “I should have done better.” or “If only I was born rich.” You blame yourself, your parents, and anyone you can.

But you forget that, while you have regrets, you’re still doing your best and so did your parents and others. When negative self-talk happens, ground yourself by listing down the facts. You’ll find that you’re not as behind as you think you are.

4. Learn to say no.

Self-love isn’t just about your internal processes but also about your relationship with other people. The way you handle yourself when around people is important to maintaining your self-worth.

One of the common things that people forget is that saying no isn’t selfishness or betrayal. You are simply setting and enforcing healthy boundaries. You can’t be everything to everyone, or everywhere at any time. Sometimes you need some alone time or are not able to fulfill what they’re asking for.

Even if you do say yes, don’t be afraid to set your limits. Even when going to a boss’ party, you can say “I can come to the party, but I’ll need to leave early for my other responsibilities.”

Permitting yourself to say no gives you the ability to do what you actually can without being overworked and exploited. This is you telling others that, just like them, you also deserve and expect respect.

5. Listen to your body.

Have you ever been in a situation where you skip your meals just to get the job done? Or do you sometimes accept work even though you’re already fatigued? In such situations, you forget that you need rest.

Self-love is an extension of self-care. To ensure that you’re taking proper care of yourself, go back to the basics. People should eat three healthy meals a day, drink a lot of water, get ample sleep, and more.

It’s also important to find balance in your physical health. Eat healthily, but don’t stop eating your favorite food. Have them in moderation, preferably as a reward for staying true to your diet. You’ll hate yourself if you don’t indulge sometimes.

Don’t ignore your body when it tells you what it needs. Frequently doing so will lead to health complications that will further affect your life negatively. Your physical well-being is just as important as your mental and emotional needs.

6. Play to your strengths.

It’s easy to fixate on your weaknesses but forget that you have your strengths as well. This is another way you become vulnerable to negative self-talk.

You might fail in some things but that doesn’t mean you’re worthless. No one is good in everything but everyone has something they are skilled in, talented with, or passionate about. These are your strengths and you should be proud of them.

And don’t forget, your journey of self-love is one of constant improvement. Play to your strengths but don’t neglect the areas you’re weak at. The weaknesses you have today might just become your strengths in the future.

Learning to Love Yourself

You’ve likely watched influencers spout tips about how you can love yourself. A few common tips are going on a vacation, cutting off toxicity, or changing your lifestyle. But it’s not that easy, is it?

Some of these things make sense to you, but the majority fails to address the reasons behind why you struggle with self-love. Going on vacation might help you destress but if the work you’ll come back to is still exploitative, then you’ll struggle with the same problems. Change these problems from their roots rather than applying temporary fixes.

And keep in mind, self-love is a journey that everyone experiences differently. What some people find helpful might not work with others. Finding what works for you is a big part of the journey and one that gives it more value.

What did you learn on your journey of self-love? Share them in the comments below!

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